I just came home from a mightily disgusting advanced statistics exam (I can analyze car weight as a function of country of origin!) and was planning on spending a few blissful hours with my new Lost DVDs and a large cosmopolitan. Terrible, I know, but I happened to find a bottle of Stirrings Cosmopolitan mix in my car (thankfully Meredith left it there from Christmas break- is that gross that I was planning on drinking it?). Yes it may seem tacky, but I needed this disgusting devil of a drink. Came into my apartment, threw my books on the table and delicately placed this bottle alongside them. The next thing I know, everything is covered in this sickly sweet red juice. Everything. It is everywhere- on my carpet, in my purse, on my books, on my dog, and on my jeans. I want to cry. My first instinct was to rush to the website of my favorite know-all guru, Martha Stewart. I’m practically screaming at the computer to clean my carpet. Martha quickly teaches me how to clean it all up (sopping up the stains with soapy water) and voila! One hour, two rolls of paper towels, a half hour or so of tears, and my carpet no longer looks like I murdered someone.

You know all of those people that say to look for the good in every situation? I look for the worse. I realized, of all things, that I jumped to clean my carpet before even worrying about my beautiful (read: tacky) bottle of Cosmo mix or my sexy red J. Crew bag or even my beautiful pants. No, my carpet. I truly am a soccer mom in training.

Worse yet, I opened my freezer after the cleaning process and realized I didn’t even have vodka to make these damn Cosmos. But hell, I have tequila.