Went over to Ajay’s house yesterday afternoon. He’s my landlord so I was expecting it to be strange but it was actually a lot of fun.  I took Willa to play with his three dogs; we launched tennis balls and sticks into his huge backyard and let them wear each other out while we chatted.

Hung out with Nat last night, which was a lot of fun. We made a bonfire out in his back yard and roasted marshmallows over them and made s’mores. He made jack & cokes that were ridiculously strong and we just talked, which was really nice. It started raining and got cold so we headed in to watch some movies in his room. Got a little awkward at one point, he sort of had other intentions than watching the movie. I declined and all, and hope that we can just forget it happened. I’m scratching that one off to him being drunk, though Nick’s been telling me for awhile that Nat feels that way. As does his roomate. I think I handled it well, told him that I wasn’t really looking to be dating anyone and we watched the rest of the movie. He came over to shower this morning and apologized, so I think it will go back to normal.

Got home from Nat’s kinda late last night (so late that the crotchety old woman that lives above me was glaring out her window when I pulled up out front of the house- she never sleeps, rather watches over me and reports my doings to my landlord).  The guy from class messaged me the second I got home, asking me why I didn’t come to his band’s show. Definitely put me off a bit- we had just had the talk a few days ago about how he needs to tone it down and he agreed, which I took as him not being interested. He seemed sort of upset, said that he looked for me in the crowd. I mentioned that I had heard his band when Nick and I took Willa jumping off the docks- he said that he wanted to come with me sometime to take Willa swimming. I am going crazy trying to figure this guy out.

Also still going crazy with the PK bit. I keep going back and forth about him, and I’m thinking I shouldn’t be so uncertain about him. This really could go two ways- I could walk away from it all (well, force myself to) and get over him. This might result in me later realizing how toxic he was for me, how we weren’t a good fit, or it could result in me forever wishing I had fought for us to work. The other option is to wait him out, continue to be there. We could end up together like I want, have all of those idealistic thoughts come true. Or he could completely take this to his advantage and treat me wrong.

For now I’m going to do the whole strong-woman bit, give myself time to get over him and see if it works (it hasn’t in the past). What I think is really driving me towards this is that, when we were arguing, he said that us breaking off again wouldn’t really impact him- that nothing would change. I’d like to think that he was lying to try to make it easier on me, but in any case I still don’t respect him for saying it.

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