Well, I am a fool. You know that saying “fool me once, shame on you..”? Well, I’ve been fooled about forty times by PK. I don’t know why I fall for it each time. It seems too genuine for me not to trust and believe. Perhaps it is as he explains, that he is genuine at the time, but that he really does change his mind. Or perhaps it is that I am being played so easily, that he is using my love for him as his catalyst for treating me terribly. Whatever the case, I need to stop. Immediately.
We hadn’t talked since I’d left Sunday morning, when he promised me that we were changing this, that I was his girl. But today I realized (thanks to the spywork of my lovely ex-boyfriend Jordan) that PK had blocked me online. On purpose. I know that shouldn’t have been the final straw- the final straw should have come months ago- but I got upset.
He finally texted me: “aren’t i allowed to freak out too? I just don’t know how i feel and don’t think i can handle it. I may be who you want but not what you want and i’m sorry.” I don’t understand what he can’t handle. He’s the one who got in contact with me. He’s the one who insisted we work on this. He’s the one who told me that he wanted to be my boyfriend, that we were really going to do this. I told him that I didn’t trust it. But he promised it would work out and that he would change things. So why did I believe all of these things? Why have I been ignoring all of my friends’ warnings, telling them to trust me and believe me?
I haven’t told anybody this yet. I don’t know how to admit that I fell for it again. Here I am, a bright, intelligent girl who falls fool for a guy. How miserable will I be to admit to my family that my boyfriend will not be joining us at lunch after my graduation on Sunday after I had bragged so proudly about him coming?
I think I was more enthralled with the vision of holding his hand, having our picture taken together than of actually graduating.