I’ve been hanging out a lot with an old boyfriend (mentioned in an earlier post). Referred to as Xander by my friends and I, my strongest memories of our past revolve around sneaking out at midnight and wandering around our town. We’d sit on the swings at a playground, making out with the taste of Lucky Strikes on our breath. He was always an enigma; strangely philosophical and unlike any guy I’d ever met. I forget when we stopped seeing each other, I just remember moving on quickly to the next guy (who I actually ended up dating for two years).

Though we had spent a year spending almost every night together, Xander and I saw little of each other in the following years. He becam good friends with my brother, bonding over drugs. It became complicated between the two of us. Two years ago he wrote me a letter and had left it in my car, basically saying that I was the only one he would ever love, that he wanted me to be in his life. It was strangely ethereal, talking about how our souls were meant to be together. I was confused, I was dating The Fiance, so in reaction I tore up the letter, threw it in his face, and told him I never wanted to see him again.

Thankfully he didn’t listen. We got back in touch through emails while he was living in Canada, and now that he’s home we have been spending a lot of time together. Two nights ago I went over at 11. We sat on his porch drinking a bottle of Portugese wine, while he played me songs on his guitar. Yesterday I picked him up and we took my dog over to a nearby park to hike. I dropped him back off so that he could meet up with his grandparents for dinner, and then I walked over to his house to go for drinks at a local tavern. We sat drinking beers, watching the Phillies game, and playing pool. At one point we asked the bartender to bring us the Big Book of Shots and picked one somewhat at random (Sex on a Pool Table) and shot them back. Had a great time together, then he walked me home at 2 in the morning. It’s strange that we’ve been getting on so well, seeing as how our relationship has been so confusing for the past few years.

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