You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2007.

Jenger, Reb and I got together for a movie night tonight. In celebration of the fact that tomorrow is the first day of October, we decided to watch Young Frankenstein for the Halloween theme.

I came to three conclusions. One, the girls and I somehow all lounged on that couch. Jenny was resting on Becky, I had my legs thrown across Jenny’s lap, and somehow we were all comfortable. Two, that movie is hilarious. And three:

 marty-feldman.jpg = rios-005.jpg



I can never remember the philosopher that wrote about how things were always grouped in threes. I remember The Boy From Class telling me about it but I was probably imagining kissing him and forgot the name. Whatever the case, three amazing things have happened this weekend.

1. I had my first real race as a coach today. If had gone badly, I probably wouldn’t have this on my list of good things. My girls 8 went off in the afternoon and we walked into it knowing that they wouldn’t get in the top three;the dominant team in the area had three boats in their race. We were expecting at best for them to get seventh. After all we have about five fairly good rowers and three not-so-good rowers, all of whom are smaller than the girls they are competing against. I only saw their finish but they ended up pulling 4th place after the three dominant boats.

2. The New Guy called me and left me a message when I was in work yesterday. I decided not to rush to call him back, but I did listen to his message. It simply said that he wanted to talk, that he thought we were both confused, and that he missed me. I finally called him back today, feeling weirdly confident after my girls’ race. We had an awkward greeting and caught up on how our lives were, and then both fell silent. I finally said straightforward how I feel- that I like him, that I don’t want to rush forward into a relationship, that I don’t have time for a full-out boyfriend. But I also told him that I just got out of a shitty quasi-relationship that was based on sex without exclusivity and that I didn’t want it to become that. We decided to keep hanging out and see where things are going, but also that he isn’t ready for a steady relationship.

3. This happened:


“Believe it, Philly. The Fightin’ Phils are going to the playoffs. Considered all-but-out of contention just 2 1/2 weeks ago, the Philadelphia Phillies overcame a huge deficit in the standings, caught the Mets and won their first NL East title since 1993 on the final day.”

It almost makes me want to call PK just to say “how about dem apples?” Almost.

I usually hate doing things like these, but KLC tagged me on it. Besides, I do need something else to write about aside from my failed relationships; it’s not all that fun to live through and therefore it’s probably not all that fun to read about. In another note, my site reading hit almost 300 in one day earlier this week, but I still only have about 7 regular commenters. So if you’re new to this, I want to know who you are- introduce yourself in the comments and answer a few of the below questions.

Four Jobs I Have Had In My Life
1. Trainer at dog shelter
2. Kayaking instructor for EMS and model for kayaking magazine
3. Barista at my cute cafe
4. Rowing coach for high school girls

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over
1. Pretty much any scary movie (I watch them now before I go to bed)
2. Le Divorce (KLC, my girl crush is Kate Hudson, no big deal)
3. Big Lebowski
4. A Fine Balance (that’s nerdy, it’s a rowing movie)

Four TV Shows I Like To Watch
1. Scrubs
2. Sex and the City 
3. Lost
4. Entourage

Four Places I Have Been On Vacation
1. Germany (Garmisch-Partenkirsch, Chiemsee, Munchen)
2. Inlet, New York in the Adirondacks
3. Key West, Florida
4. Northern Italy

Four Favorite Foods
1. Falafel pitas with hummus from Pita Pit
2. Mozzarella, tomato, basil and pesto panini that we sell at the cafe
3. Chihuahua cheese enchiladas with mole sauce
4. Vegetarian gyros with cucumber soup

Four Websites I Visit Daily
1. Do my college email sites count?
2. CNN and MSNBC
3. J., because I love torturing myself
4. All of my bloglist

Four Places I Would Rather Be
1. In the little cabin the valley of Zugspitze tucked in the Bavarian Alps
2. Back at the cabin, hiking and swimming every day
3. Colorado, because now I miss Brizz and want to see her.
4. Texas, to see Meredith (did I mention that she sent me a bouquet of Gerber daisies for my birthday? I love her.)

Four Bloggers I Am Tagging 
Half the people that I actually read have already done this!
1. Peter
2. Libby
3. Michelle
4. Lisa

The new guy and I went on another date last night, somewhere around our twelfth or so. We’ve kissed, we’ve slept together, we’ve spent the night together. I’ve met his parents, his best friend, he’s my by best friends. It’s starting to feel really good, which for me is usually about the time when it falls apart.

A few days back we went and got dinner together, and at the end of the night he kissed me. Simple kiss on this lips, nothing else. That’s fine. Then last night, we go see a movie together. No hand holding, no touching really. He walks me back to my car and it’s the same deal, just a kiss. I’m confused because we’ve already been together, he should be raring to be making out with me, right?

I talked to Ian about all of this and he said it was simple- The new guy lost interest in me already. “You lose mystery when you lose the clothes,” Ian said. I mean, how is that really supposed to work out? That’s when I actually start gaining interest in a guy. Ian’s advice was to drop him.

Tonight I ended up going out drinking with a girlfriend of mine (can you tell that I’ve had a few?) and I a guy walked over and started talking to me. It felt weird, I started thinking of the new guy and wondering what the boundaries were. I texted him that, probably with every other word misspelled. He wrote back that he really didn’t care what I did. Bad sign, right?

A few minutes later, he wrote back that he wasn’t looking for anything exclusive (hi, I’ve met your parents three times, I’ve had dinner with your best friend. Really?) and that he didn’t want to be “tied down” right now.

I wrote back “then I don’t think it’s going to work out. I’m not looking for anything serious, but I do want something more than this.” I turned off my phone because I knew he wasn’t go to change his mind.

It also didn’t help that a man kept trying to rub my leg for the night with his hand that HAD A WEDDING RING ON IT. I told him about fifty times to go home to his wife, who was probably in bed waiting for him. Is this really what I have to look forward to?

And I must be a masochist because I was missing PK/the prick all night. Why can’t there just be a guy like PK without the tendency to be a jerk that I can come home to at night?

Before I even get into this post I want to say congrats to Molly. So excited for you and Michael!

At this time last year I had just started my senior year of college. My girlfriends came over for monthly dinners, we went out to the bars on Friday nights, we watched Grey’s Anatomy together over “Jike Brew” (Crystal Light and vodka…ugh). I’d sneak over to my best friend Briz’s room after classes to make her walk with me, or we’d drive to the outlets to go shopping. Life was good, really good.

Of course I had to mess all of that up.

See, in our group of friends there was a guy that Briz had liked for years. This guy, Country, didn’t actually go to our college, but he lived nearby and his cousin was one of our friends. He was sort of adopted in early in freshman year and had been a presence at everything we did over the next three. He and Briz had been back and forth with their relationship. And by relationship I mean that Briz was in love with him and he hardly cared. She tried to get his attention in the wrong ways, by kissing his friends or getting drunk and throwing herself at him.

Country and I had always been friends, went drinking together, jumped off his dock in our underwear at midnight in bitter cold April. For Halloween I decided to go as him, borrowing this giant onesie hunting suit and hat and drinking way too much. We sat at the local bar that night drinking together, all of our friends obliterated and doing shots. He was playing with his phone, my phone went off. This wasn’t strange, he had a habit of texting me when we were in the same room. I looked at it, “I really want to date you.” I started laughing, but his face stayed straight. I texted back that he was funny, but instantly got another message. “I’m not kidding, I want to be with you.” I kept laughing because he was the kind of guy to joke about all of this. Unfortunately he was serious. I got up and left the bar immediately.

I got a call three hours later from Country’s cousin. They were drunk, had walked to the local McDonald’s to get drive thru, then realized that they couldn’t walk through the drive thru. I drove over to get them, they ate at my apartment before Country crashed on my guest bed and the cousin and friend spent the rest of the night trying to convince me to date him.

To make the story shorter, Country and I ended up dating. I went to talk to Briz about it first, to ask her for permission really. She laid with her head on my lap and I combed my fingers through her hair and she told me it was OK. But a hour later she was in her room crying, screaming.

Country and I didn’t end up working out for our own reasons, but Briz and I never worked it out. My relationship with that group deteriorated in February and I haven’t spoken to the majority of them since then.

Until two nights ago. I had found a bunch of CDs in my car that Briz had made for me, and of course tortured myself listening to them. It made me sentimental, but it also made me realize how much I missed the girl. I got home, saw her online, and decided to message her. I told her that I missed her, and then there was a long pause. And then she answered back that she had been thinking about how she missed me too, how she had been wanting to talk to me. We spent the next three hours catching up, apologizing, and telling each other how much we missed each other.

“People can be lovers and enemies at the same time, you know. We were… A man and woman draw apart from that long embrace, and see what they have done to each other… In age we lose everything; even the power to love.”

 -Willa Cather, My Mortal Enemy, Book II, Chapter IV

1. It’s five in the morning. I’m obviously not sleeping.

2. I’ve wasted the past two years over the guy below, thinking that he was just scared to get into a committed relationship. I believed that he loved me, that he recognized that we were good together.

3. The past week has been spent ignoring the new guy, who is smart, funny, and incredibly sexy. Why? I know that he and I are getting to the relationship stage and I didn’t want to have to cut PK out of my life.

4. I’ve ruined numerous relationships and friendships over this guy.

5. I got the below email, and instead of crying I went straight to the bar. And drank. A lot. 


From: “PK”
Date: Fri, September 21, 2007 7:19 pm
To: “Caitlyn”

I told you to settle down with your boy. This has always been 90% you and 10% me, and I never denied being wrong for you. But if you were going to continue to torture yourself  for small moments, I wasn’t going to stop giving those chances. 
However, if you are looking for big moments I suggest you find someone other than the mr. big you haven’t gotten a big moment out of for two years. This works on my time and I don’t see extending myself past a point where I can’t sabatoge this back to its basics. Who knows how I’d feel if you were here now, but taking a train after a long week of work was never my plans and I never thought to use you for a ride up on sunday.

Simple. That’s all I want. Not calls, texts, ims, emails, and freaking out about every little damn thing you think might have to do with you, me, or us.

I’m not settling. I enjoy being with you. But if you thought I wouldn’t cut out of this if something better, closer, and calmer came along then you really haven’t been thinking about this clearly and I feel bad for you.

Now think if you shouldn’t be out with (the new guy) or if you still want to pick me up in Sunday. I’ll still be available.

I keep waiting for this week to slow down, but it’s not. I’ve had a continuous flow of work, class, practice and homework, all of which have been major stressors. It didn’t help that I had a huge presentation for my Terrorism class last night- which thankfully went really well (my professor said that my presentation was on par with what would be expected at the FBI). It also doesn’t help that today is my first coaching practice with the head coach (scary!) and that tomorrow is my birthday.

I’ve sort of had a string of bad birthdays. Well, I guess not bad, but they’ve never been outrageously fun like I always expect them to be. I always get wary around my birthday because I always have high expectations around my birthday, if that makes any sense. The forecast for tomorrow isn’t exactly promising either- I have to work the closing shift at the cafe, all of my friends have plans, PK seems to be nonexistant right now, I’m afraid to push things with the new guy (wouldn’t spending my birthday with him be too serious too soon? Not okay with that.) Even my ever-loving parents are going to be away.

So seeing as how today has been really my first chance to relax in a bit, I made my laundry list of things that I would get myself for my birthday if money weren’t an issue. This is not including PK on my doorstep. Or this apartment.






I know it’s terribly contrived, but you know that saying about having your cake and eating it too? Well dammit, I want that.

The thing is, the new guy and I are catching on like chicken pox at the daycare center (yes, I said it). We’re not quite at the “what are we” phase yet (though we did have have the precursor to it the other night), but we’re getting to it.

The other side of it is that I still talk to PK on a regular basis. And obviously, by talk I mean argue. But I can’t get him our of my head and out of my system. I feel like Carrie when she has Aiden, but is obviously still into Mr. Big. In fact, that pop-culture reference is perfect.

The new guy is completely an Aiden- he’s sweet, caring, fantastically adorable. He’s all around nice. He’s laid-back, intelligent- I could go on and on. And PK? He’s my Big. We have that undeniable chemistry that makes me come back to him over and over again. But still with that half-sleazy, half-sexy way about him. And he’s kind of a jerk. But I love him despite that fact.

Regardless of how perfect that that comparison is, I know I’m going to get to that breaking point soon. I’m either going to end up with another of PK and my break-offs, where we don’t talk to each other for weeks, or I’m going to end up cheating on the new guy with PK in a sleazy hotel while smoking cigarettes together, and then telling Meredith not to judge.

You know, without the cheating bit. Or cigarettes.

I’m starting to get really smitten with the new guy. I’m almost even to the point where I’m going to need a nickname for him on here (any suggestions?)

Last Tuesday we met up after work for dinner together. I was running a bit late because traffic was terrible, but he was pretty calm about it. We had our beers and dinner, and he didn’t even mind that I sort of kept turning my head to watch the Phillies on tv. While he was midsentence. I am a horrible date. I think I even shushed him once.

After dinner we went back to his place and watched tv on his couch and played with his dog, and then… I got to see his room. And it freaked me out a little because it is the exact same color as my bedroom and- if this is possible- it is more organized than mine. Cleaner. Holy crap.

I had to close on Thursday night but we had made plans for our first sleepover (can I say that? or is there a better term that doesn’t imply doing hair and giggling?) I ended up getting back to my house at about 12:30, and he met me there at 12:45. We ended up watching movies in bed and talking until 3 or so when we crashed. He wasn’t even freaked out by the fact that I have a pet rat sleeping next to my bed.

So things are definitely looking up with this guy, though I’m set on not rushing into anything or making it all move too fast. If anything, I still want to figure out what’s going on with PK. But really? The butterflies in my stomach are awesome.