1. It’s five in the morning. I’m obviously not sleeping.
2. I’ve wasted the past two years over the guy below, thinking that he was just scared to get into a committed relationship. I believed that he loved me, that he recognized that we were good together.
3. The past week has been spent ignoring the new guy, who is smart, funny, and incredibly sexy. Why? I know that he and I are getting to the relationship stage and I didn’t want to have to cut PK out of my life.
4. I’ve ruined numerous relationships and friendships over this guy.
5. I got the below email, and instead of crying I went straight to the bar. And drank. A lot.
Date: Fri, September 21, 2007 7:19 pm
I told you to settle down with your boy. This has always been 90% you and 10% me, and I never denied being wrong for you. But if you were going to continue to torture yourself for small moments, I wasn’t going to stop giving those chances.
However, if you are looking for big moments I suggest you find someone other than the mr. big you haven’t gotten a big moment out of for two years. This works on my time and I don’t see extending myself past a point where I can’t sabatoge this back to its basics. Who knows how I’d feel if you were here now, but taking a train after a long week of work was never my plans and I never thought to use you for a ride up on sunday.
Simple. That’s all I want. Not calls, texts, ims, emails, and freaking out about every little damn thing you think might have to do with you, me, or us.
I’m not settling. I enjoy being with you. But if you thought I wouldn’t cut out of this if something better, closer, and calmer came along then you really haven’t been thinking about this clearly and I feel bad for you.
Now think if you shouldn’t be out with (the new guy) or if you still want to pick me up in Sunday. I’ll still be available.