I got to class early tonight and decided to use that time to call TBFC. The last time I’d heard from him were a few angry messages left on my computer when he must have read the “Going to see Peter” away message. Shit.
He answered the phone happily enough, blurting out that he’d missed me, that we hadn’t talked in awhile. I asked him where he’d been- we went from talking every night to not talking at all, with the exception of those messages. “I’ve been really busy with classes, with research…” he starts off. And then he pauses, one of those long pauses where I know he’s about to say something bad. “And my ex-girlfriend visited last week. We’re talking about getting back together.”
I don’t really say anything, he doesn’t say anything. We’re both waiting for the other to make the first sound, but it’s not going to be from me. The silence is making me angry. This on top of the whole Peter thing, on top of the fact that the New Guy had been texting me to “sleep over” on Saturday. It sort of reaffirms that fear I have of guys just wanting me for sex.
Before I know it the anger is verbally seeping out of me. Not screaming, but my voice has definitely cracked, become harsh. I’m accusing him of using me, of leading me on. Silence again.
And then he stuns me, points out that I had gotten back together with Peter. “It’s not the same,” I say, “I knew he was going to break up with me after he used me.” It took me a second to digest my own words, but in that second he responded with “You think that’s better? You dated him knowing he was going to leave you again?”
I admit, it was pathetic of me to have gone and jumped back at Peter the second he asked, despite everything that had just happened with TBFC. And that I really have no right to be angry that he’s thinking about getting back together with the old girlfriend. But it just sucks, you know? It sucks that all of this piles on at the same time.