-I really wish you hadn’t moved so far away. I know we’ve had rough times, but I hate the idea of you living halfway across the world. Visiting you, at cheapest, would cost a thousand and a half- I can’t afford that, nor could I get the vacation time from work. But I hope you find happiness there, something I think you found rarely when you were here. And I hope you fall madly and crazily in love. And I hope that the cds I sent you make you cry and laugh and dance (because they made me do those things).

-You’re an asshole, and you need to come clean. You need to tell her what you did. I may not like her- I hardly even know her- but I know that what we did was wrong. And the engagement is a rough following to doing what you did. And if you don’t? I guess you two deserve each other.

-I’m glad that you were hired right out of college, and I’m glad that the job pays as high as it does. But please stop comparing our lives and declaring your own as better. I may not have the money for a huge apartment like yours, and I may not have the money to go drinking every weekend. And I actually felt sick when you talked about all of the men you take home on each of those weekends. I wouldn’t ever want to trade lives; I’d rather be a poor student falling asleep with my dog every night. And no, your life is not like Cashmere Mafia/Lipstick Jungle.

-I still think of you every day, more lately than ever before. I’m on the verge of tears every time your face hits my mind. Isn’t this supposed to get easier as time passes? I sleep with your old blanket every night, the one your mom gave me in the hospital when she packed up your belongings. And I’ve worn the ring every day, the one you must have picked out knowing you were not going to be there for my birthday. Maybe it would be easier if I packed these things away.

-How could people not like you? I think a better question is how people could not fall in love with you the moment they meet you. I hate that I’ve never heard you so sad in your life- you went to a place that you love with every intention of following your life goal. Hearing you say that you don’t think you’re meant for this field made me angrier than I’ve felt in a long time. You’re brilliant, you’re amazing, and I wish that everyone saw that they way I do. People in Texas do not realize what they’re missing out on- get home soon.

-Stop treating me like I’m still a kid, like I’m still your old student. We’re coworkers now. I know that you’re my boss and I know I’m still learning, but I’m great at what I do. I can handle the responsibility, and I can keep us organized better than it’s been in the past. I’m working way too many hours for meager pay because I love this. But I can not and will not take the hypocracy and the mood swings.

-I really cannot believe that you chose to be with someone so batshit crazy. She’s a monster, she always looks like there’s a bad smell under her nose, and she’s dimwitted. You deserve someone so much better. And you need to have not cut me out of your life for her. I learned this the hard way years ago. I kind of hope that she dumps you again so that you’ll come back around. I miss the late night/early morning talks, and I miss the bickering.

-Even if another three years pass, I don’t think I’m going to forgive myself for what I did to you. I still feel awful. My apologies fell on flat ears because it really was that bad. I don’t know how I would have done the situation differently, maybe cut you off earlier? Tell you that I couldn’t do it? I didn’t know anything at the time, I was immature and insensitive. I keep thinking we’ll run into each other years from now and laugh about it, and I hope that by then you’ve found someone that will treat you the way I wish I could have.

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