I’ve always heard that saying “time is a funny thing” and I’ve never really understood it. My professor says it often, usually following that by a lecture on how we never appreciate time. I’ve been gone the last few weeks mostly because of time.
The first week I was sick, very sick. I had some medical issues a few years ago and my doctor thought that it was returning. Spending a weekend curled up in fetal position, moving only to throw up, and being in pain to the point of tears, I was thinking about time. I was thinking about how there was so much that I want to do, and I am always afraid that everything is going to end early, that I’m never going to have a chance to accomplish it.
That fear was coupled with a phone call, my childhood friend Alie told me about how another friend, Colleen, had died the day before. Colleen had gone to the doctor with strange pains only to realize that she had radically advanced cancer, that it would take her life. She never returned to the doctor, instead choosing to die without the painful and expensive treatments. In that very same phone call, my Alie told me that she was going in for surgery the following day to have cysts removed.
It’s scary, to think of how sudden these things could be. Colleen’s death and my friend’s sickness brought a few of us back together last night. Alie laid on the couch in pain, Lauren and I gulped down wine, and Emily rocked her year-old baby on our lap. We talked about Colleen, we talked about our relationships, and Alie mumbled, “Time’s a funny thing”.
As a grand finale, Pittsburgh Boy and I broke up today. It was rather horrible, and I really wish it hadn’t come to that, but I knew he wasn’t right for me. I also know that I can’t go any further than this, that I can’t have anything or anyone tying me to a particular place. My career needs to come first, and as I just started a new job this week in intelligence (another aspect that has taken up a huge chunk of time), I can’t have anything holding me back.
So for all of you, it’s been a long time. But I’m pretty excited to be back.