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I love my job, I really do. I love the intensity of an investigation. I love the moment just before an apprehension, where all of the blood in your body is throbbing in your head. I love knowing why people do what they do, why they choose to make horrible decisions. The more complicated a case, the more I love it. If I could bring my dog to work and had a treadmill somewhere, I’m sure I’d stay in the office around the clock.
But with any job, there are a couple negatives. One of the worst, one that hits with every job in this field, is the inability to talk about what you do. Not to say that what I do is a measure of national security- another note I’ll hit on in a moment- but that anything I say could compromise a case. If I were casually going about the details of a case to a friend in a bar, anyone could hear. And who knows who else is on the bar stool down the row?
The second point is something that I just touched on. As much as I love what I do, I don’t feel as though it’s terribly important. That’s a lie- I know it’s important, but it doesn’t affect the country as a whole. It doesn’t save lives, it doesn’t really change lives even. A coworker said the same thing the other day- “do you really feel like we’re making a difference?” I shrugged my shoulders at him- at least he understands.
My boss says that I’m bloodthirsty, something he likes about me. It’s true- I’m one of those people that loves drinking a fourth coffee so that I can stay later to review documents. I know that I’m going to go federal soon enough, but I can’t wait to get there. I always phrase it the same way: Imagine the one place you’ve wanted to go for your entire life, and then imagine that you actually get the opportunity to go there. You’ve paid for the flight, packed your bags, prepared in every way possible. But you don’t leave for another two weeks. The wait is absolutely killing me, and I pretty much have a stare down with my phone waiting for it to ring the 000-000-0000 number every day.
In the meantime, I should note that the two factors of working constantly and not being able to talk about work are highly detrimental to the blog. I need new things to write about. Any ideas?
The other night I was alone in the office and my Blackberry pinged at me. The message was from a guy I’d met once through the Perfect Guy- one of his friends from back home. I had met him when Perfect Guy (thanks for the name, asshole commenter!) and I went out for dinner with him and had gone to a bar afterwards. This friend had needed my number because he didn’t know the Philly area and, as he was following me, was afraid he’d get lost.
The message was strange, asking me to come to his hometown (three hours away!) and be his date for New Year’s. I read it about six times and finally responded with the only conclusion I could come up with: “what the fuck?” This of course sparked some texting revelation about how he thought I was hot, and that he’d had fun with me the night we went out. Three months ago. I finally asked him if he’d talked to Perfect Guy about this, which he hadn’t. “So he hasn’t told you that I spilled my guts to him about being infatuated with him?” There was about a twenty minute pause between that and the next: “You’re crazy. He has a gf.” Duh. And where do you get off telling me I’m crazy for liking a guy that I’ve known for months and spent a ton of time with, when you’re texting some chick you met ONCE to drive 300 MILES to see you?
I actually had a great excuse for not going, aside from it being incredibly creepy. I ended up driving out to spend the night with an old boyfriend and some other friends from college. The old boyfriend’s parents have this gorgeous cabin on the side of a mountain in the middle of PA, so spending some time in the hot tub overlooking the river below while snow fell outside was a great way to ring in the new year.
Another great way to ring in the new year? A new car:
My old Jeep was starting to give me trouble and I fell madly in love with this one.
Also, a new apartment. The move is definitely in the works and I spent all morning viewing (and consequently falling in love) with this gorgeous apartment near the Art Museum. Blue bedrooms with white molding along the edges, a kitchen with granite countertops, tile floors, and all brand-new stainless steel appliances. The best part was that the back bedroom had a door leading out into an enclosed courtyard- perfect for summer barbeques and a hammock.
2009 is definitely going to bring some great changes.