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I remember when I first heard of PostSecret– my roommate and stumbled on it after overhearing someone drunkenly referring to it at a party. We spent the next morning, a Sunday, curled up in bed reading that day’s secrets. And then we spent the following Sunday doing the same thing. It became our ritual, to spend hungover Sundays cuddled in bed reading those.

I’ve read them ever since, own the books. I’ve never had the gall to send anything in mostly because I don’t think any of my secrets are extraordinary. The secrets I have all seem to already be on there. It’s impossible to look at the picture of Frank surrounded by plastic containers full of secrets and not think that your secret would be in there.

I also save the secrets that I like the best into a file that plays as the screen saver on my computer. A friend was in my room last week as I was changing for one of our runs and laughed, saying “Are those all yours?”

nineteen

remember

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be-mine

 

This video was posted on Valentine’s day and I fell in love with everything about it. And I’m sure you guys are aware of it, my one of my new favorite Bloggers has a great Monday secret lineup. Sundays and Mondays are my new favorite days of the week…

I’ve fallen in love. No, seriously this time. Actually I saw him on Comedy Central a while back and it was an instant attraction. And then I spent the next month or so desperately trying to remember his name, kicking myself for not having instantly downloaded everything he’s ever said. About a month back I found an article written about him in Maxim (shut up, I love it). Daniel Tosh. Honestly, pure love. He’s a little vulgar, so probably not suitable for any workplace or anywhere remotely close to children (tell them to “earmuff”. It’s a verb, apparently).  

It also doesn’t hurt that he is adorable.

Bad news:
“Dozens of current and former major league baseball players, including Roger Clemens, Yankee teammate Andy Pettitte, sluggers Mo Vaughn and Gary Sheffield, and reliever Eric Gagne, are named as being linked to steroid use in the report. See a list of the implicated players

 Good news:
The lobbed ball straight to anti-drug marketing companies? David Bell. Seriously, how does one use steroids and still have a sub-par career? If anything, he’s gotten smaller and oh, let’s say shittier in the past few years. Besides, “Roid-ger” Clemens also has a nice ring to it.

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We have a regular at the cafe who is the exact definition of gauche. He’s crude, rude, and generally obnoxious. About once or twice a week he comes in and places and order. “Make it extra special for me toots,” he’ll say, nodding back at my coworker, “that guy back there can tell you how good I tip.” He always tells exaggerated stories about how good of friends he is with my boss, even though she has a gag reflex whenever he walks into the place. She also told me about the time that he was banned from the cafe for two years. The reason? He had been trying to tell her some story while she was dealing with customers, and then got angry with her for not listening. When she politely told him that she was busy and would have to hear his story another time, he screamed across the cafe “Whoa, look who’s on her period!” Consequently, she asked him to leave.

This man is also known for diving his hand into the tip bowl and “exchanging money”. We’re not sure if he’s actually putting money in there because he’s actually rather sly about it. He then proceeds over to the payphone in the hallway, where he proceeds to angrily scream at the person on the other end of the line. We hope there’s another person on the end of the line.

The point of this story is that I was welcomed to work last Thursday with my boss slamming the Philadelphia Inquirer into my face. “Read this!” she demanded, pointing down to the front page. And there, my friends, was the mugshot of our dear regular. I’d heard the news reports about a man beating his mother, a judge. And I’d also had our dear regular tell me that I should go to law school, that his mother was a judge. I guess that none of us at the cafe had put two and two together, but here was the four. The article is below, with deliciously good quotes highlighted.

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I stopped to pick up a coffee today from my favorite little coffee shop a few blocks away. In line in front of me was a mother on a cell phone, with her little son walking circles around her legs. I’ll skip my rant about how the mom was trying to care for the kid, order a coffee, and have a full gossip conversation on her cell phone at the same time.

Mom on cell: (to person on cell) …Oh my god, she was arrested AGAIN? I can’t believe it, some people can’t raise their children right. AGAIN?…..WITH COCAINE?

Her son: Who mommy, who?

Mom on cell: (to son) Lindsay Lohan, hon. (to person on cell) She needs to get back to that pricey rehab!

Son: (to barista) I loved Herbie: Fully Loaded. I like the car.

Barista: (to kid, while nodding head knowingly) Well, this is just like that, but more like Lindsay: Fully Loaded.