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I love my job, I really do. I love the intensity of an investigation. I love the moment just before an apprehension, where all of the blood in your body is throbbing in your head. I love knowing why people do what they do, why they choose to make horrible decisions. The more complicated a case, the more I love it. If I could bring my dog to work and had a treadmill somewhere, I’m sure I’d stay in the office around the clock.
But with any job, there are a couple negatives. One of the worst, one that hits with every job in this field, is the inability to talk about what you do. Not to say that what I do is a measure of national security- another note I’ll hit on in a moment- but that anything I say could compromise a case. If I were casually going about the details of a case to a friend in a bar, anyone could hear. And who knows who else is on the bar stool down the row?
The second point is something that I just touched on. As much as I love what I do, I don’t feel as though it’s terribly important. That’s a lie- I know it’s important, but it doesn’t affect the country as a whole. It doesn’t save lives, it doesn’t really change lives even. A coworker said the same thing the other day- “do you really feel like we’re making a difference?” I shrugged my shoulders at him- at least he understands.
My boss says that I’m bloodthirsty, something he likes about me. It’s true- I’m one of those people that loves drinking a fourth coffee so that I can stay later to review documents. I know that I’m going to go federal soon enough, but I can’t wait to get there. I always phrase it the same way: Imagine the one place you’ve wanted to go for your entire life, and then imagine that you actually get the opportunity to go there. You’ve paid for the flight, packed your bags, prepared in every way possible. But you don’t leave for another two weeks. The wait is absolutely killing me, and I pretty much have a stare down with my phone waiting for it to ring the 000-000-0000 number every day.
In the meantime, I should note that the two factors of working constantly and not being able to talk about work are highly detrimental to the blog. I need new things to write about. Any ideas?